Running on Adrenaline and Fumes
I spent the first 5 decades of my life on full alert. I was always on the go, continually productive, and forced into a mode of high energy. I didn’t know how to relax and recharge my batteries.
Then one evening, I was standing in my kitchen getting ready to cook dinner for my two teenage daughters and myself and I had an earth-shattering realization. I realized that I never allowed myself to completely relax. Perhaps this was why a glass of wine was so tempting when I was cooking dinner. I was operating on adrenaline and fumes ALL THE TIME.
I had told my youngest daughter an hour earlier as I was driving her home from shopping for some school essentials, “You know, I never give myself much downtime during the day.” Earlier that morning I had a wonderful conversation with a friend and fellow coach about helping women get off the self-improvement treadmill. It is always fascinating to me to connect with women and hear their stories of regaining their inner power and well-being.
The day before, I watched an interview with Dr. Dan Siegel, who talked about how traumatic experiences can make you feel unsafe and you stay stuck in that mode of feeling like you are always in danger and need to be hypervigilant. He offered the Wheel of Awareness and a breathing exercise to let your gut know that you are safe. So, I had done a Wheel of Awareness meditation and played with the breathing exercise several times.
It all Clicked Into Place
In that moment, standing in my kitchen, everything clicked into place. I relaxed deeply for the first time in my life. I felt my shoulders relax completely. I felt a tremendous weight just slide off of my entire being. Yes, I was tired. And I was free. Free of the striving and perpetual motion. It’s like I had been an energizer bunny that was wound so tight, I never stopped moving. In that moment, I ripped out the wind-up mechanism and settled into a place of deep rest. I understood that I was safe and could let go now.
Another way to view this delicious place of deep rest is the impersonal, non-judgmental space of awareness that you are beyond and before all of your layers of self-image and beliefs about the world. When operating from this space, all experiences are okay. You no longer need to strive to achieve a sense of okayness because you realize that you are already okay. You can be a witness to the troubling thoughts that suddenly pop into your brain and then, just as quickly, disappear when you no longer believe them and give them life.
You give yourself permission to take off the psychic armor that you built up around your being to try and protect you from a world that you perceived as hostile and unkind. I am so grateful to all of the mentors who guided me confidently and gently to this place. If you would like to be mentored, consider joining my Deep Rest coaching program for women.
Gratitude for Psychological Armor
And I am so grateful for the psychological armor and the striving and the adrenaline that got me to this point in life. It propelled me through a childhood in which my parents weren’t available to me. It helped me survive in testosterone-driven corporate cultures. It powered my escape from a psychologically abusive marriage and helped me guide my daughters to a place of safety and wellness. It held me together as a single mom, working and homeschooling my daughters without the support of family.
I have been on this path of soul discovery and radical acceptance for several years. I heard people talk about inner peace and innate well-being. I understood it conceptually. And then, in a millisecond, I experienced total peace. I learned to relax and recharge my batteries by connecting with my body. A big laugh escaped from me and I felt a complete and utter sense of my okayness. There was nothing to do. Nothing to prove. Nothing to strive for. I was safe and I could let down my guard and just relax. And be. And cook dinner.
I realized that even though I still have adult and parental responsibilities, I can now do everything that I need to do without the heaviness and striving that drained me. Without the false thinking that there is something essential on the line.
You Have No Idea What is Possible
By relaxing my mind and body, I am open and receptive to the quiet whisper of the intelligence of life that guides me when I can hear it. Life flows through me, guides me and I relax into the river of life. I experience deep rest.
You can let go. You don’t need to try and control life. You cannot control life. Life is to be enjoyed. You can relax and recharge your battery in any moment.
You can be 100% authentically yourself. I invite you to be true to yourself. When you the intelligence of life or instinct flow through you, when you live in the moment, you come alive.
You have no idea what is possible.
Ask yourself, “What would make you happy? What is the next step? Where do we go from here?” There will be a tiny voice inside that will guide you. Pay more attention to your intuition, gut, inner voice and move forward with ease and grace.
Open to the Possibility of Deep Rest
Are you ready for Deep Rest? I am launching a new group coaching program for women that starts Monday, September 21st. For six weeks, we will meet once a week on Zoom.
No techniques to master. No self-improvement hacks. No concepts to master. Just openness to a new experience of life. Willingness to relax and recharge your battery.
It’s time to restore your energy and aliveness. If you are stressed, exhausted , or overwhelmed , gift this to yourself. When you learn to relax into the present moment and let go of the illusion of control, your intuition will whisper guidance from your soul.
Deep Rest leads to a sense of aliveness and gratitude that makes every moment joyful. Learn More.